I have been wanting to write a new year post since last month,i decided today would be apt. I turned another year older two days back and my new year starts.
I genuinely feel like I've grown up. Emotionally, intellectually and well,unfortunately geometrically as well. This feels like my teenage to adult transition,a rather late one though. My surroundings and influences have changed quite drastically and more so, to a more responsibly aware sober one.
After the unexpected happened,it feels surreal,I feel like I'm trying on my old pants after four and half years of constantly wearing new ones. It feels more peaceful, like the tides are receding, and a more calmer and structured life awaits.
I reached a point in the relationship where I couldn't recognize myself anymore, a place where I became a permeable membrane and absorbed everything, slowly adopting a new self and losing my old. I had reached a stage of complete devaluation of self, almost helplessly begging for recognition again.
I have been through , by far in my life, the worst couple of months last year. Nothing I wanted ever happened, but I got just what I needed. A shake, violent shake, snap to reality. Something to make me believe in myself again, a reason to work on building myself from scratch. When everything looked ruined, my health,my career and my biggest support system, the chaotic anxiety that followed tortured me,I reached a point where I thought I couldn't walk again,I was ready to give up and wave the white flag.
As I lay there exhausted in the hot sun, almost lifeless, a bunch of heads gave me shade and a hand to help me get up. I thank you all. Your words healed me, gave me the strength to believe in myself again, to be able to walk with my head held high.
Today, at a much better state, I'm marveled at the healing power of time. Time is the enemy and the friend,it's a reflection of free flowing nature of life. My difficulties seem exaggerated now, I smile at my stupidity already, I do want to reach the place, when I can look back and laugh at it.
I want to change, for the better. I want to make this a good year,a year dedicated to building myself and keeping my loved ones closer. I have written down a number of things I want to do, a number of ways to reconnect to my old self and also adopt better ways and to learn a LOT more.
It's always change that we are scared to accept,but the sooner we accept that change is inevitable, the easier to learn a way through change. I'm looking to change, for the better.
I genuinely feel like I've grown up. Emotionally, intellectually and well,unfortunately geometrically as well. This feels like my teenage to adult transition,a rather late one though. My surroundings and influences have changed quite drastically and more so, to a more responsibly aware sober one.
After the unexpected happened,it feels surreal,I feel like I'm trying on my old pants after four and half years of constantly wearing new ones. It feels more peaceful, like the tides are receding, and a more calmer and structured life awaits.
I reached a point in the relationship where I couldn't recognize myself anymore, a place where I became a permeable membrane and absorbed everything, slowly adopting a new self and losing my old. I had reached a stage of complete devaluation of self, almost helplessly begging for recognition again.
I have been through , by far in my life, the worst couple of months last year. Nothing I wanted ever happened, but I got just what I needed. A shake, violent shake, snap to reality. Something to make me believe in myself again, a reason to work on building myself from scratch. When everything looked ruined, my health,my career and my biggest support system, the chaotic anxiety that followed tortured me,I reached a point where I thought I couldn't walk again,I was ready to give up and wave the white flag.
As I lay there exhausted in the hot sun, almost lifeless, a bunch of heads gave me shade and a hand to help me get up. I thank you all. Your words healed me, gave me the strength to believe in myself again, to be able to walk with my head held high.
Today, at a much better state, I'm marveled at the healing power of time. Time is the enemy and the friend,it's a reflection of free flowing nature of life. My difficulties seem exaggerated now, I smile at my stupidity already, I do want to reach the place, when I can look back and laugh at it.
I want to change, for the better. I want to make this a good year,a year dedicated to building myself and keeping my loved ones closer. I have written down a number of things I want to do, a number of ways to reconnect to my old self and also adopt better ways and to learn a LOT more.
It's always change that we are scared to accept,but the sooner we accept that change is inevitable, the easier to learn a way through change. I'm looking to change, for the better.
